New Blog for Nathanael

We recently started fundraising with COTA to cover Nathanael's medical expenses, so updates about him will be on his new blog from now on: www.COTAforNathanaelB.com. Please check out the blog, pictures, and opportunities to help, and feel free to pass along the link to others. We appreciate your concern!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Missing My Boys (by Bree)

I miss my boys. Well, the two of them who have gone back to Texas, anyway. It's strange for me to think that when I put my phone on the table it'll still be there hours later instead of having found its way into the hands of my curious little boy. I found a bib on the CD player yesterday, and it made me sad to move it, as I realized that I will no longer have that reminder of my favorite two-year-old right in front of me. No more plastic dishes in the bathroom, wind-up fish in the living room, TV remotes (or "renotes", as they're known in our house) in between couch cushions or stuffed toys strapped into the baby swing. All these signs of life with a toddler are no longer part of my daily experience, and it makes me sad.

We can talk on the phone and on Skype, but to be honest, it hurts a little bit to know that your son is more interested in touching the buttons on the computer than seeing his mother who misses him. It's not that I expect Jamison to understand how much I miss him, or that I love to see him...and I'm not sure it would be easier if I thought he understood more. I guess he told Brad last night after we talked on Skype, "I miss Mommy." Heart-breaking. I am very thankful to be able to see him every day. Tonight I heard him laugh. So sweet!

Now for some good news: Nathanael is sleeping really well. In fact, last night he slept from 9:00pm to 7:00am! He still prefers to nap while being held, but will fall asleep in his bed for short naptimes during the day. And who really minds holding a sleeping baby? Even though he weighs almost 16 lbs (!) and gives my arms a real workout it can be tough to put him down. Yesterday I held him for several hours straight while he napped. Precious!

As difficult as this time is I am encouraged that God is using this situation for His glory, as He continues to provide for our needs through the kindness and generosity of the people around us. We continue to have yummy meals provided for us two to three times a week, rides to the hospital with new friends, and offers of help from all directions. I am trying to find ways to communicate gratitude, but too often it takes me such a long time to do it. Maybe if I set reasonable goals for each day I can get caught up.

Just to make you smile, I'm including a few pictures and short video of my "little squeaker." Have I mentioned that he makes lots of squeaky noises? Really cute!

video

2 comments:

  1. WOW, he has gotten so big!! You're doing a good job, Mama :) I'm excited to see Jamison in church on Sunday (since we were gone last week) and Lila will be excited to see him in Sunday school. Praying for you guys that your separation will seem to go by quickly!

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  2. Bree, don't take it personally that Jamison isn't as interested in talking by Skype. When our kids skype their grandparents, they have a very short attention span for being still and talking. Also, when I was in the hospital all those times, the kids would visit. When they did, they didn't really stop to talk to me. They just surveyed their surroundings and investigated what they could. I felt sad too, but after awhile of this, I realized it was not that they didn't miss me. They are small kids and they feel things at different times. They express things different ways. My kids would break down and cry at home, especially at night and wish Mommy was home. Also after awhile, this gave me comfort. It let me know they were resiliant and surviving our separation really well. We had been able to provide consistant care for the most part, and they were so flexible and thrived more than I ever thought they could. It made me proud of them. They had their moments of stress, but I was still proud of them. It sounds like Jamison is doing really well, and I'm impressed with you and Brad for making the goal of Brad spending more time with him to make sure he knows he is loved. Super good parenting guys!!

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