I miss my boys. Well, the two of them who have gone back to Texas, anyway. It's strange for me to think that when I put my phone on the table it'll still be there hours later instead of having found its way into the hands of my curious little boy. I found a bib on the CD player yesterday, and it made me sad to move it, as I realized that I will no longer have that reminder of my favorite two-year-old right in front of me. No more plastic dishes in the bathroom, wind-up fish in the living room, TV remotes (or "renotes", as they're known in our house) in between couch cushions or stuffed toys strapped into the baby swing. All these signs of life with a toddler are no longer part of my daily experience, and it makes me sad.
We can talk on the phone and on Skype, but to be honest, it hurts a little bit to know that your son is more interested in touching the buttons on the computer than seeing his mother who misses him. It's not that I expect Jamison to understand how much I miss him, or that I love to see him...and I'm not sure it would be easier if I thought he understood more. I guess he told Brad last night after we talked on Skype, "I miss Mommy." Heart-breaking. I am very thankful to be able to see him every day. Tonight I heard him laugh. So sweet!
Now for some good news: Nathanael is sleeping really well. In fact, last night he slept from 9:00pm to 7:00am! He still prefers to nap while being held, but will fall asleep in his bed for short naptimes during the day. And who really minds holding a sleeping baby? Even though he weighs almost 16 lbs (!) and gives my arms a real workout it can be tough to put him down. Yesterday I held him for several hours straight while he napped. Precious!
As difficult as this time is I am encouraged that God is using this situation for His glory, as He continues to provide for our needs through the kindness and generosity of the people around us. We continue to have yummy meals provided for us two to three times a week, rides to the hospital with new friends, and offers of help from all directions. I am trying to find ways to communicate gratitude, but too often it takes me such a long time to do it. Maybe if I set reasonable goals for each day I can get caught up.
Just to make you smile, I'm including a few pictures and short video of my "little squeaker." Have I mentioned that he makes lots of squeaky noises? Really cute!