So far we've just been adjusting to hospital life, tests, vitals, and preventative meds, but now is where the challenges begin. Nathanael has finished his first round of chemo (4 days on busulfan), and just started cytoxan, which he'll take for four days. Since the effects of chemo are cumulative I fully expect his condition to worsen in the coming week or so. He has been a little more fussy than usual, and just a moment ago he vomited all over my neck, down my back, and onto the floor. I almost cried. My precious boy is getting sick to get better.
Please pray that we would know how to best care for him in the midst of this. I told Brad that I'm walking the fine line between dilligence and obsession here. The staff here both seeks and values parent input, but I'm still learning what they need to know. They will largely rely on my reports of his feeding frequency and duration, as well as his daily output (all his diapers are examined and weighed), to determine if/when a feeding tube is needed, and I will need to help decide whether we should use one that goes to his stomach or past it. No easy decisions here.
I need to grieve, and have not cried much yet. Privacy can be difficult to find, and I'm not sure I have time yet to feel much of anything. I have met some other parents and have been praying for their kids. I'd ask you to join me in praying for the families here, and that we would encourage each other and allow the Lord to work in our midst. I've missed the prayer group twice now...hope to make it next week.
Thanks again to ALL of you, family & friends, who are helping care for us in one way or another. I told the social worker today about our moms staying with us, our friends sending food, and the many people praying...she seemed surprised at the wide and deep network of support. I don't think I needed to go through this to know that God has blessed us richly with people who love us and will take care of us, but I'm so thankful to see His love in action. My favorite description of the love of Christ is in Ephesians: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Eph. 3:17b-19) You have shown His love to us...may it bring glory to His name.